Inevitability Through Nightmares
by Trmptgrl47
Summary: Sydney's Nightmares reach an all time high and Vaughn's had enough of her avoidance. Set during S4.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, I'm just borrowing.. You don't want to sue me.. all you'll get is an abundance of Student loans, a laptop, and a trumpet.

Without further Ado....

**Inevitability Through Nightmares  
**  
The city was sleeping. Los Angeles tends to do that at three A.M., but across town by the beach in the suburbs, the air was being disturbed by the terror-laced cries of a young woman.

Sydney Bristow had horrible nightmares and he knew it, but this one seemed particularly so. Her scream echoed off the walls of her (their) bedroom and abruptly woke him from his slumber. He bolted upright and threw off the covers, half-expecting to see an assailant in the room. But, much to his relief and dismay, he only found her thrashing wildly and grasping at the large scar that marred her abdomen. He usually caught her nightmares before they reached this point. He would feel her start to stir and shift in her sleep and he would take her in his arms and calm and gently wake her from her dreams.

Eric had told him about her dreams one day at the office when he was still with _**her**_. He got it out of him after noticing a bruise on the side of his friend's face. He said that she was so disoriented that she didn't know where she was, or who he was, and she lashed out at a faceless attacker. When probed for more information, he explained she had them most every night and that she didn't want him around to witness them or to help her. Suddenly, the ever-funny Eric Weiss was dead-serious and desperately worried for his friend. The first one he, himself, had ever witnessed was on a plane to a mission and it scared the crap out of him. At the time, he could only imagine what it did to her; now he knew.

It took him a second to react after realizing what was happening. Swiftly and gently he reached out and grabbed her thrashing form, trying to calm her. As he did so, Nadia, and to his surprise, Weiss came bursting through the bedroom door with panic-filled faces.

"Oh God, not another one." Eric said with a melancholy look in his eye, which Nadia also shared.

Vaughn on the other hand, was trying to calm his struggling love by stroking her hair and hugging her tightly to him. He still hadn't said anything to her; his heart wasn't done breaking for her yet.

"Mike, is there anything we can do?" Nadia asked after a moment in the doorway.

"I don't think so. I'll try and calm her down. She's all right." He squeaked out, turning his attention back to Sydney.

He barely registered Nadia and Weiss' exit from the room. He was so focused on Sydney, who was still mumbling, struggling against him and clutching that wretched scar. He sensed that this nightmare was different somehow.

"Syd - - Sydney, please. You have to wake up. You're safe Syd. You're with me now. Nothing will ever happen to you again, I promise. I promise, Sydney.."

He had tears in his eyes now, he couldn't stand to see her like this. The truth was, there wasn't a dam thing he could do about it. She refused to talk about the nightmares to anyone, himself and Barnett included. In fact, they never really discussed her missing time either. She always glossed over it and changed the subject. Vaughn realized now that the nightmares were probably a product of the denial she was creating. It was time for that conversation. She needed to say it and he needed to hear it.

She knew about what he went through without her, both he and Weiss had told her what a complete wreck he was, but she never told anyone what she knew and/or remembered; not even he sister.

Fifteen minutes had past when Vaughn was beginning to realize he had a problem. No amount of talking to her or soothing her was working. He couldn't even get her to respond let alone wake up. She was still squirming in his arms. He bent his head forward to kiss her forehead and his lips were met with feverish flesh. Whatever she was reliving it was becoming unsafe for her. Running through his options quickly in his head, he came to the conclusion that he needed backup.

"Weiss! Nadia! I could use some help in here!" Vaughn yelled, still holding on to Sydney tightly. The two of them slid into the bedroom seconds later.

"I can't.. I can't wake her up. And.. She's- - running a fever. I just don't know what to do." Vaughn said shakily to his friends.

"I'll go get some cool rags for her. They'll control the fever and they'll wake her up, hopefully." Weiss spoke first and then, without waiting for an answer, quickly exited the room.

Nadia moved towards her sister's side of the bed and started whispering soft Spanish in her ear, in a feeble attempt to calm her. Vaughn suddenly found himself on his feet searching for a tee shirt with shaking hands.

"Vaughn, they've never been this bad before." Nadia deduced as she turned to look at him with tear-fulled eyes.

"I know. Where ever she is right now, she's suffering. I just can't stand to see her like this, Nadia." Vaughn said, hanging his head. He couldn't bear to look at her any longer.

Suddenly, Weiss appeared at Vaughn's side with a bowl in his hands; He, too, was shaking. After a quick, mumbled "Thank you" Vaughn took the towel and sat next to her on the bed, gently pressing it to Sydney's forehead. The coolness of the towel elicited a small hiss from her; it was the first response they had received from her. Vaughn then moved the rag to her neck with drew a response again, this time in a slight groan. She looked as if she was desperately trying to wake herself up, but failing miserably.

"Come on Syd.. Show me those beautiful brown eyes. Come on. Je t'aime Sydney." Vaughn then turned to Weiss. "Eric, has she ever had a nightmare like this? Have you ever seen this?"

In return, he received a guilty look from his friend.

"Once." He replied softly. "At least, I've only seen it once. After she hit me accidentally she stopped talking about them. She told me she "didn't want to be a burden..." I think that was the only time I ever fought with her." He paused with the memory. "It wasn't too long after she came back. We were watching a movie on her couch and we both found ourselves asleep. The next thing I knew she was screaming and I couldn't wake her up." He shrugged slightly. "The water trick worked after about a half hour. When she finally did wake up, she cried for the next two hours. When I asked her what it was about, she swore she didn't remember..... I never did believe her."

By the time Eric was done speaking his shoulders were slumped, his head was down, and his voice was cracking. A pensive silence fell across the room as the trio shared looks between each other and the point of concern.

"I hate seeing her like this" Weiss broke the silence. "She's my super hero. This doesn't happen to super heros. This _shouldn't_ happen to her." he added with a small, sad, smile, which everyone but Sydney returned.

The situation had not changed much. Sydney was still engulfed in her nightmare, shaking and mumbling incoherent phrases. Vaughn was still pressing the wet rag to her forehead and neck. There was not much else he could do.

Forty-five minutes of silence had passed when Sydney's eyelids began to flutter. Everyone acknowledged the movement at once, leaning forward in expectation, unconsciously. When her eyes finally opened fully and adjusted to the light, it was obvious she was confused as to where she was and what had happened.

"What- - What's going on?" She croaked, as she was still trembling, scanning the trio's concerned faces for some sort of answer.

"Sydney, your nightmares...." Nadia trailed off after initially speaking up. She was looking at her sister and tears were in her eyes. Instead of continuing to speak, she got up and moved toward her sister, embracing her, and sobbing tears of relief into her shoulder. Sydney's expression, on the other hand, had shifted from that of confusion to that of understanding and embarrassment.

When Nadia got up, she walked to the door and waited for Weiss, who had moved toward Sydney to give her a hug. He kept it brief and promised to talk to her in the morning. As he got to the door, he turned back, looking seriously back at his friend saying simply.

"You're my hero, Syd. I hope you know that." He then, shut the door behind them before she had a chance to respond, leaving the couple alone.

"Vaughn... What the Hell happened?" She asked, looking toward the chair across the room where he was seated.

"I don't know, Sydney. Why don't You tell me??" He spat a little more harshly than he would have liked.

Sydney visibly flinched at his words and looked down at her hands in an attempt to avoid his inquiries. Vaughn, seeing her avoidance, crossed the room and sat on the bed, grabbing her chin and forcing her to look at him once again.

"I'm Sorr--" She began.

"Don't you dare, Sydney. Don't - You - Dare." He cut in, his voice dripping with venom.

She knew he wasn't angry with her. He was angry with what was happening to her in front of his eyes. But most of all, he was angry he could do nothing. She went to look down again, ashamed and afraid to continue looking into his piercing green eyes.

"Look at me, damn it!"

Her head popped up again and she saw the pain in his eyes, shining back at her. Suddenly, before her eyes, he broke down.

"I couldn't wake you up.... We couldn't get you to wake up." He bent his head down and cried for her. Without hesitation, she took him in her embrace and rubbing her hand up and down his back.

"Vaughn, it's okay. I'm okay. Really, I'm fine. It was just a dream." She stated.

The minute the words passed her lips, she knew she had said the wrong thing. She knew they weren't "just dreams" and she also knew he would call her on it. Her suspicions were confirmed when he tore himself from her embrace and glared at her with blazing eyes.

"Only a Dream!? You were running a fever! Shaking, mumbling! Screaming even!" He was pacing now in front of their bed, throwing his arms in the arm for emphasis and his voice was a deadly whisper. It was clear he was trying to keep his voice low for the benefit of Nadia and Weiss, but he was getting progressively louder.

"Only a dream...." repeated shaking his head. "Dreams don't do this to you Sydney! Dreaming is what I do about you every night! This isn't dreaming."

His anger was shifting now. Instead of being mad at the situation, he was quickly becoming mad at her. Her denial of the situation was driving him to madness. Sydney, on the other hand, had yet to say anything. Tears were streaming down her face as she realized her "dreams" were not only hurting her, but the people she cared about.

"You told me once I could talk to you. Do you remember that? On the plane?" She nodded. "Well, I talked, Syd! I told you everything! But you.... You treated those two years like they were an extended vacation.. I know the basics, yes, but obviously there's more to it than that. You need to tell me now. This conversation has been a long time in the making."

"I can't..." she whispered.

"You Can't!? You can't talk to me? You don't trust me? Is that what this is about?" he asked, doubting himself, raising his eyebrows in question.

"No! Vaughn, No. I trust you with my life. It's just... It's Classified..."

She knew her explanation wouldn't fly with him. She knew, if she ever told him, he'd blame it on himself and feel guilty about not finding her. She just didn't want any more pity, especially from him. Right now though, she didn't expect the laughter that escaped his lips and was taken aback by his outburst.

"Classified..... Classified, right. How could I forget?" He was still smiling as he said it but suddenly, his laughter stopped and his smile disappeared. "I think I'm going to go back to my place. Suddenly, I don't feel like I belong here any longer." He said bitterly, turning away from her.

"What? Vaughn, No! It's 4:15! You can't leave now..." She replied, jumping to her feet.

He was moving swiftly throughout the room, grabbing clothes to dress in, his wallet, car keys, and things he would need for work the next morning, paying no attention to her protests. Sydney stood rooted to the same spot, just watching him walk out on her. Only when he was done and moving toward the door, did she scramble to block his way out. They stood, neither touching, just staring into the other's eyes.

"Move, Sydney..." Vaughn warned, his voice low.

"Vaughn, don't do this. Please, don't leave." She was staring into his green eyes, watching them flicker with emotion; she was sure hers were reflecting the same.

"Sydney... I just can't do this anymore. I just can't help you and it's killing me. I can't watch you do this to yourself, kill yourself with denial of the past. I know it may sound selfish, but my heart can't take it anymore. I love you too much to stand by and do nothing. So, I'm done. You know I don't want to leave you. You know I would give anything to stay, but you're not ready for that yet. When you're ready to trust me... When you're finally ready to let go and be honest with me.... let me in... You know where I'll be..."

With tears in his eyes he bent down and gently kissed her forehead, letting his lips linger for only but a second before pushing past her out of the bedroom toward the front door. He had reached for the door knob when her voice stopped him dead in his tracks.

"Vaughn..... I love you." she whispered through tears.  
"I Love you too, Syd."

With those words, the door softly clicked in his wake.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I still don't own anything.

**Chapter 2**

Nadia and Weiss found her a few hours later sitting on the couch with a cup of coffee, and a tear streaked face, staring into space. Sydney looked like the epitome of exhaustion. She had bloodshot eyes and wrinkled clothes and she was curled up into a ball, seemingly not noticing the pair's presence.

"Sydney? Are you okay?" Nadia asked after sharing a glance with Eric.

"Huh? Oh yeah, I'm fine. It's nothing." She replied in a monotone voice, moving to get up for the couch, to head towards the kitchen.

"Where's Vaughn?" Nadia questioned, looking around expecting to see him.

Sydney stopped dead in her tracks and didn't turn around when she gave her reply. The tears she had managed to stop not so long ago returned with the mention of his name.

"He's gone... He left." she delivered.

Sydney quickly dropped her empty mug on the counter, practically running out of the room and shutting her bedroom door behind her. After she was gone, Eric and Nadia shared confused looks and stood stationary in between the kitchen and living room.

"I'll call, Mike." Eric said, reaching for his cell phone that was currently charging on the island. "If she's this bad, he's probably just as bad or worse."

Nadia nodded, still not getting what was going on, and headed down the hall. Her sister and Vaughn sure had an interesting relationship. No one had more history than them. They made Romeo and Juliet seem normal and their lives seem like a comedy. Nadia sighed and wrapped softly on her sister's door. Receiving no response, she let herself in. She found Sydney laying on Vaughn's side of the bed clutching the pillow he used, crying into it. Nadia sat next to her and rubbed her back whispering words of comfort. When she had gotten her to calm down she asked what happened.

"I'm so stupid." Sydney breathed.

"Sydney.." Nadia started to correct her.

"No, Nadia!" She clipped. "He just wants to help me and I keep pushing him away. I can't bring myself to tell him about... about those Damned two years." She spat the last sentence through clenched teeth.

"Why? Sydney.. I don't understand." Nadia inquired.

"Because I don't want to acknowledge they ever existed! And I sure as hell don't want his pity. I just got my life back for God's sake!"

"Pity? Why would he pity you?" Nadia asked, her brow creasing.

Sydney laughed at her sister's question.

"You should read my file sometime." she laughed. "Do you know about the Covenant?" Nadia nodded expectantly. "They took me and tried to brainwash me.. For 9 unproductive months... I'm sure you can imagine the creative techniques they used.... or maybe you can't. Someday, maybe I'll explain things to you. But for now, ask Eric, or pick up a copy of 'Sydney Bristow: confidential.' I'm sure they're selling copies by now. It's quite an interesting read." Sydney explained sarcastically.

A soft knocking on the door broke the sister's stares and Nadia moved to answer it.

The phone rang a few times before a gruff, tired voice answered his friend's calls.

"Vaughn." He barked into his cell phone. He knew who it was going to be on the other end and he also knew what this conversation was about.

"Hey, buddy, it's Weiss. Where are you at right now?" Weiss replied, either ignoring or not noticing his friend's clipped tone.

"I'm at the rink, and I know why you're calling. The answer is; No, I don't want to talk about it and it's too early to get drunk... maybe tonight." Vaughn replied while gliding around the ice.  
He had been there for hours just taking his anger out on black rubber hockey pucks. One of his wrist shots had even left a permanent dent in the crossbar of the lone net. He felt proud for a second, having never done that before, but quickly remembered the reason for it and receded back to his brooding.

"Whoa.. Hey.. Take it easy, don't shoot. Now, if you're done being an ass, would you mind telling me why the hell Syd won't stop crying?" Eric answered, pacing around the girl's kitchen.

"I.. Uhh... it's between her and I, Eric. We just had a bit of a... disagreement and I wound up leaving around 4:00am this morning." he told Weiss, dancing around details.

"I see. Let me guess, you never went home and you haven't slept."

"Eric.."

"And you probably won't sleep until all is right in Syd and Vaughn Land?"

"Eric, listen to me. This fight was inevitable. I can't watch her do this to herself any longer. She's just too stubborn for her own good. If I had a choice she'd be in my arms right now, but she took that choice away from me." Vaughn defended raising his voice a bit to express his frustration.

"Don't you think this is a little extreme, Mike? Just leaving and letting her just flounder like this? The girl has the worst nightmare of all time and you leave her 20 minutes after she wakes up. I don't know man. All I'm saying is make sure you did the right thing and you know what you're doing and not just doing something rash. I'm not going to pretend I know what the hell went down between the two of you last night but both of you are only hurting each other if you are refusing to sit down and talk instead of running away from each other like you always do." Eric said forcefully.

"That's the problem. She won't talk to me. I've been ignoring it for a long time now and I just can't ignore it anymore. Just... Make sure she's okay for me, all right? Until this all blows over, just make sure she's all right. I have to go. I'll see you later.

Before he could answer, Vaughn had hung up. Cursing lightly Weiss clicked his phone shut and went to the kitchen to pour another round of coffee. This was going to be a long day. Hopefully this stubbornness wouldn't last too long.

With a shake of his head, he walked towards Sydney's bedroom.

"I swear my friend's are masochists." he grumbled and knocked lightly on the door.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Still not owning anything....  
  
**Chapter 3**

The next few days were terribly awkward at best. Sydney and Vaughn still hadn't spoken about what transpired nearly a week before. APO was surprisingly calm for the usual busy office. Perhaps all the dangerous, evil people in the world had taken a vacation all at once. The members were keeping themselves busy with filing reports, analyzing data, and for Weiss, playing with Marshall's Gadgets.

The pair looked like hell. Everyone knew they weren't sleeping but they continued to try and hide the simple fact. Even Arvin Sloane had asked what was wrong with his two best agents. Sydney had simply glared at the man and walked away.

Sydney's diet was almost non-existent. She was just drinking mass quantities of coffee. Vaughn's diet was even more so. His main dish was Jack Daniels at night and black coffee during the day. With bloodshot eyes with dark circles underneath them, the two stumbled around the office. The APO office was winding down for the day. It was nearing quitting time. For once, the APO office would be working 9 -5 like the rest of the world.

"The man looks like a walking hangover." Eric Weiss stated, standing with his hands in his pockets. He looked down at Nadia who was standing next to him currently nodding at her boyfriend's observation.

"And she doesn't look much better." she replied as their attention turned to Sydney who was at the coffee station getting, yet another, refill.

"Are they always like this when they fight?" Nadia asked.

"Heh... Sometimes they're worse. You should have seen them when they couldn't be together and the sexual tension contributed." Eric replied with his patented Weiss smile.

"Isn't Vaughn being a little harsh though?" Nadia wondered.

"You know, I thought so too at first. But as a think about it, this might be the only way to get Sydney to overcome her stubbornness. You know what she's like; No one can be stubborn like Sydney Bristow." Eric paused for a moment. "On the other hand.. No one can breakdown like her either. Trust me; I've seen it"

Nadia, once again, nodded and conformation.

"And by the looks of it, I'd say that's going to happen again fairly soon if this doesn't get resolved."

The two were so lost in thought that they hadn't noticed the one and only Jack Bristow approach them.

"Would one of you mind telling me what's going on here?" he asked.

"Uhhh... well.. We were just– Right, we'll get back to work." Eric stuttered.

"No, Mr. Weiss. I meant with my daughter and Vaughn. I couldn't care less about your work habits."

"Uhh.. Well.. I think they're fighting." Eric once again fumbled, not letting Nadia explain.  
"Thank you for that wonderful explanation. It was very insightful. Next time I have the time, remind me to ask you what the meaning of life is." Jack clipped sarcastically and then genuinely smiled. He liked Eric Weiss, although he would never admit that. "I guess I'll just find out for myself." With a slight nod to Nadia in acknowledgment, he walked away.

When Jack left, Weiss snapped out of his stupor.

"Did you see that? I just made Jack Bristow smile!" he gushed and his chest swelled with pride.

"I think he was laughing at you, not with you." Nadia laughed, turning to walk away.

"Doesn't matter. It happened and I caused it." He followed after her.

"I don't think you understand Nadia! This is a major victory. That man scares the hell out of me!"

"Sydney?" Jack tried to get her attention as he arrived at her work station.

"Hey Dad. What's up?" Sydney smiled weakly.

"I just wanted to see if you were okay."

"Yeah, Yeah, I'm fine. Just tired, that's all"

"Office gossip says you and agent Vaughn are having a small disagreement." he pried.

"Something like that." Sydney smiled and scoffed lightly.

"I've never been one for fatherly advice, as you know, but I find that collective negotiations work a lot better than arguing with yourself. But then again, that's just my opinion in the matter." Jack faintly smiled at his daughter, squeezed her shoulder, and walked away before she had a chance to respond.

"Great" she sighed. "I need to get out of here." She got up, grabbing her coffee and purse and set out towards the exit.

"Vaughn, can I see you in my office for a second?" Jack implored, passing Vaughn's desk.  
"Uhh.. Sure." Vaughn replied, getting up to follow him.

"You look tired, Mr. Vaughn." Jack almost mocked.

"Thanks for noticing, Jack. I haven't been sleeping well, if you must know." Vaughn replied, noticing Jack's tone. "What's this about?"

"Okay, fine, we'll skip the pleasantries. I'm fairly certain you are not a stupid man, Vaughn. I'm also fairly certain that you have my daughter's best interests at heart. However, I strongly suggest that you two settle whatever it is that is going on between the two of you because it is obvious that it is quickly becoming a professional issue as well as a personal one. Therefore, if it is not resolved amongst yourselves in a timely fashion, I'll resolve it for you." Jack warned.

"Why, thank you, Jack. I'll keep that in mind. Now, if we're finished.." Vaughn clipped. His massive hangover was making him braver than he normally would be to Jack Bristow. Even his tone surprised himself.

"Yes, Mr. Vaughn, you may go." Jack closed the door behind him. Maybe he underestimated that boy. Jack smiled and returned to his desk. All he had to do now, was wait.

"Great," Vaughn sighed. "I need to get out of here. He continued walking, grabbing his suit jacket from his chair and set out towards the exit.

Sydney sighed and leaned up against the railing of the pier gazing out onto the water. This pier hadn't changed much in the past 4 years and for that, she was silently grateful. She looked very out of place there. All around her there were young kids in colorful clothing enjoying the sun and California weather by skateboarding and roller-blading and there she stood in her black business suit just staring into nothing.

" You know, you're beeper is probably long gone by now."

Sydney smiled at the statement from a voice behind her and let out a breathy laugh as she spotted a dark gray suit appear out of the corner of her eye. The suit's owner leaned gently against the railing also, mimicking her posture.

"It's not the beeper I'm looking for." She stated, still not looking at her new guest.

"Then what is it you're looking for, Sydney?"

She turned her head and brown eyes met green. She took the time to just look at him for the first time in days but broke their gaze to look out at the water again before saying...

"Answers."


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Totally Broke and not claiming to own any of this.  
**  
****Chapter 4**

They were both silent for a while. Vaughn had nothing to say, but Sydney, on the other hand was just trying to find the right words. They both had no intentions of moving from their positions on the railing, peering over the side. This was the most comfortable either of them had been in days.

"I don't know why you put up with me, Vaughn."

"Syd - - " He tried to correct her, his head turning towards her.

"No, listen, please. I just have to say this." Sydney looked back at him, displaying her seriousness in a glance.

"The reason I never told you was never because I didn't trust you... I just didn't trust myself to tell you. Truth be told, I don't really ever want to acknowledge they exist and tell you would have just made it real. Everything's finally back to the way they used to be before they happened so I figured I could just pretend. They only reminders I have that they ever happened are the nightmares and that damned scar."

Vaughn cringed. He knew she hated that scar – not that anyone likes a scar– but it was a sore spot for her. Even he had to admit, with the story behind it and it's size, it was a particularly nasty scar. He had brushed his fingers across it just before falling asleep one night when they had first been back together and she had immediately tensed and pulled away from his touch. Even going so far as to get out of bed and moving to the next room citing she needed a glass of water when he knew, by her visibly pale face, the real reason she had left his embrace. She had avoided his questioning then too. He vowed that night that if he ever found the person who had done that to her, he would make sure they never saw the light of another day.

"You're right Vaughn; you always are. I do need to talk about it. I do need to tell you. You were on the mission to Patagonia so I don't have to explain about the scar again.. Or Lazarey for that matter. The Nightmares... I think some are memories.. Others are just frantic images, none of which I recognize or make any sense. In the past year or so, I have remembered some things, but mostly I know what happened to me without remembering." She trailed off. Looking at Vaughn she straitened up and spoke again. "Vaughn, I need you to promise me something before I start."

"Anything."

"Don't you dare pity me after this.. And don't you dare blame yourself for anything that's happened."

"Sydney.. Why would I do that?"

"You'll understand when I tell you. I just need to know you'll do that for me."

"I promise." His voice slightly wavering. Her tone was making him anxious.

"Ok. Now I just need you to listen until I'm finished." Vaughn nodded and Sydney continued.

"Kendall was the one who told me..."  
"Kendall!?" Vaughn exclaimed, completely surprised.

"Vaughn..." Sydney shot him a warning glare.

"Right, sorry.."

"He kidnaped me from my house one night. I woke up on an airplane with him on it. That was the day the cube was stolen, which is why he was forced to tell me. When I woke up after the fight with Allison I was strapped down in the back of a van a few days later with a man named Oleg hovering over me. He had, in addition to tying me down, injected me with a neuro-toxin so I couldn't move. The van was at the beach... I was forced to watch my own funeral. It was an attempt to break me.. To make me realize I didn't exist anymore. I was... uhh... in the van parked next to your car." she looked down into the ocean. She just couldn't look at him, not yet.

"God..." Vaughn sighed into the wind. "It could have all ended right then.."

"You promised, Vaughn."

"I know.. Sorry."

"So they, the Covenant, held me for nine months. They did horrible things to me in an attempt to convince me that I was a woman named Julia Thorne. I don't remember much of the torture, aside from calling Oleg an "ugly bastard" a few times. However, just recently, I had a dream about the funeral." Sydney kept her eyes focused on the ocean and the weathered wood of the pier.

Their postures hadn't changed at all. They were both looking at the water, leaning forward on elbows that were resting on the railing. Sydney wasn't crying, her expression was just stoic. She had gotten past crying for those two years; in truth, there weren't any tears left to shed after last year. Any tears she had shed in the past few days were in anticipation of Vaughn's reaction. She took a deep breath once again and spoke.

"They believed they had succeeded in making me another person, but, as it turns out, the Project Christmas protocol contains a failsafe that makes sure none of it's subjects are brainwashed. I, myself, had made them believe I was Julia.

The world had seemed to stop around them. Vaughn could only hear her voice, nothing else, not even the noises of the ocean or the sounds of the pier. They were all blocked out and all but forgotten.

"When the opportunity presented itself, I ran. I ran and I contacted Kendall. I wanted to go home. I wanted out so badly... but he convinced me that I couldn't leave. Leaving would be dangerous for me and everyone who once loved me. It's the curse of Sydney Bristow. I knew it too... Oleg was right... I didn't exist anymore."

Sydney took a deep gulp of ocean air and let it out slowly. She had conveniently left out the part about Vaughn and Lauren. He was already digesting so much information that she tough it best to glance over that part of her story. She just prayed he didn't ask about the nightmare that started this whole mess. Sure, her mind had extrapolated and the nightmare was disorganized but the she knew the part with Vaughn and Lauren outside his apartment was as real as the pier underneath her feet and for a brief while, she was stuck in that night again.

"I was a double agent from then on. You know my involvement with Lazarey. Finally, when I had recovered the cube, I apparently quit. I hid it in the hotel and made Kendall a dvd instead of showing up with the cube. I saw that dvd.... I erased my own memory because I couldn't take remembering what they had done to me, my life.. And to protect the cube.. Great job I did of that...." Sydney shook her head, remembering. "I went to a doctor in Hong Kong and had the procedure done. It was high risk and there was no guarantee it wouldn't kill me... A the time I suppose it was an option; death. I mean, Sydney Bristow was dead already. It made no difference and it was better than letting the Covenant kill me." Sydney hypothesized, speaking softly but he voice still remained strong.

"I was blonde.." She laughed but quickly turning serious. "Seeing that video... I've never seen anything that scared me more. No matter how stupid and egotistical it sounds, my heart broke for myself.. For someone I didn't even know. It wasn't my appearance that scared me. It was my eyes; they were dead. I was truly someone else. Looking back at me was myself but I was the epitome of despair. I remember feeling it. I remember feeling so lost. I had died once before.. I could certainly do it again."

She lapsed into silence finding her watch on her left wrist very interesting as she fiddled with it. Vaughn was stuck in a stunned silence also. He was running through all the information he's just received in his mind but something just didn't add up.

"So, that's it. I woke up in an alleyway in Hong Kong, remembering nothing." She finished knowing he could fill in the blanks, himself.

"Come here, Sydney."

Vaughn took her into a fierce hug and ran his hands in a soothing circular motion on her back. Sydney let a few tears fall in relief. It felt so good to be honest with him. That mixed with the feeling of being in his arms again made all of the emotion and stress of that past week come flooding out of her like a waterfall. Suddenly she was exhausted and looking up at him she could tell he felt just as drained as she.

"You haven't been taking care of yourself, Vaughn." She stated, rubbing a hand over the unusually large amount of stubble on his face and noting his weary appearance.

"Neither have you. I haven't seen you consume anything other than coffee in over 6 days." he shot back lightly.

"We're a mess." she laughed. "We better go get something to eat and get a good night sleep before we go on the next mission and regret it. How about dinner at Nadia and I's? I'm sure Eric will be there." she asked.

"I'd love that." he smiled and she turned to leave having glanced one last time off the pier at the now setting sun.

"Wait.. Syd.. I just have one question that I need answered."

"Okay..."

"Why didn't you at least attempt to tell anyone you were alive? The Sydney Bristow I knew– know– would have never taken to being a double agent again lying down and you're telling me you didn't fight Kendall at all? Before you were taken you wouldn't have fought Kendall over the last remaining hair on his head.. I just don't understand.." Vaughn asked, his gaze so strong she couldn't look into his eyes. Sydney was in trouble now.

_  
Look for at least one more part to this._


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

"Damn it." Sydney muttered unconsciously as she pulled back to resume her position at the railing.

"Syd, come on. What are you not telling me? We've gone so far already; don't clam up on me now." Vaughn was pleading with her.

"Vaughn..." She replied, shaking her head. He didn't want to know this.

She had really never intended to tell him why she didn't return and try and contact him. He was right, however, she had said so much; there was no going back now. With a deep breath she made the decision to tell him everything. He was going to blame everything on himself, she knew that, but she needed to be honest.

"I did come back - - I wanted to tell someone I was alive. I couldn't tell my Dad, he was on a deep cover mission, so I came to find you; to tell you. I went to your apartment, defying Kendall once again, and I waited outside for you to come home... But when you did... When you pulled up and got out of your car.... Vaughn.... I... You.. You weren't alone."

She was looking off the pier again. She couldn't look at him at first, but eventually her curiosity got the best of her and she looked up to sneak a glance at him. He was leaning heavily on the railing with his head in his hands and she could tell he was shaking slightly. Quickly she amended her statement.

"But that's not the only reason I didn't come back, Vaughn. You were being watched. You were being watched by Covenant operatives. I saw them. If I would have contacted you, they would have killed you and me both. I was a danger to you. I couldn't come back.. I Had to be a double. I didn't have a choice." Her statements weren't successful in diverting his focus off the thought of her coming back and seeing Lauren and him together.

The pier was lit by artificial lighting now and the sun had completely disappeared behind the horizon. The pair remained in silence for a long while. The air was filled with emotion so great that passer-bys could feel it, leaving them to wonder what the young couple could possibly be discussing. Vaughn finally straitened up and looked at Sydney with his eyes filled with unshed, angry tears.

"Do you remember it?" he asked.

"Vaughn..." Sydney shook her head in declination of his questioning.

"DO you remember it, Sydney!?"

She considered lying to him for a moment. He was upset and telling the truth would certainly hurt him more. All things considering the deciding factor was the fact that, knowing Vaughn, the minute the lie left her mouth, he would know she wasn't telling the truth. She was certainly stuck between a rock and a hard place.

"Yes... just recently." she whispered, knowing he had heard her, but silently hoping he hadn't.

Vaughn was alternating rubbing a hand across his face and dragging it through his hair. Finally he decided on settling his fingers pinching the bridge of his nose.

"The nightmare... the other night." he mumbled.

"Yes..." She couldn't look at him once again. "But it wasn't just about that. I mean, there were other images mixed in.. Things that don't even make sense." she said frantically, trying desperately to make excuses.

Sydney reached forward and grabbed his hand off of his face, lacing her fingers with his. She had to stop this before it was too late.

"Vaughn, please. Let's just go home. We both need to get some sleep. None of this matters anymore." She pleaded.

"How could you say that!?" He asked incredulously, snatching his hand back.

"Because for a year I let the past haunt and rule my life and I'm ready to move forward now!: It was Sydney's turn to be angry. "This is what you wanted Vaughn! You wanted me to tell you and I did. Now you're going to feel guilty and pity yourself and me? Have you ever thought about why I never said anything? I knew you were going to question that! I know you! I know that you know me. You can't have it both ways, Vaughn. You can't demand to have this conversation and then regret having it." She ranted, her voice a deadly whisper.

"I'm sorry Sydney... I'm so sorry." He wasn't apologizing for the fight they were currently in the middle of... He was apologizing for_**HER**_ again.

"Don't." She spat. She was quickly becoming sick of his self-loathing.

"Do you not understand, Vaughn? Do you just not get it? I don't care about this anymore." She grabbed his shoulders, jarring him slightly. "We made it, Michael. That's all that matters; that's all that ever mattered to me. It's all I've ever wished for; all I've ever wanted. I have it now and I am NOT going to lose it over the past. So, Stop this. We need to move forward... together." She started in an angry tone but she was dimished at the end... turning slightly to defeat. She let silence seep in for a moment, but she wasn't done yet.

"My life has never been easy Vaughn. Ever. But being with you... You're the only person that makes the difficulties easier. Despite everything that's happened between us, it'll always be easy to be with you... When my whole life feels like a chore, Vaughn, you make it worth it."

Sydney was drained of all words. She let go of him and noted the wrinkles she made in his suit. She yearned to smooth them out but she felt that it was best to leave them as a reminder. Before she could step back, away from him, she was in his arms with his lips pressed firmly to hers. When she got over the initial surprise of the impromptu kiss, she sank into him; kissing him back.

When the need for oxygen became too great. Sydney pulled back and Vaughn silently leaned his forehead on hers, staring at her.

"Wow.." Sydney almost panted. She didn't get the starting breath that Vaughn did. " I really wrinkled your suit."

Vaughn laughed out loud at her attempt to bring comedy to the situation. He could always count on her to make him smile.

"I like it that way." he replied, still smiling.

"So... what now?" Sydney asked.

"Well, if you wouldn't mind, I'd like to kiss you again." He grinned.

"Hmmm... Well, I don't know. Isn't there some kind of rule that frowns upon fraternization among agents?" she played hard to get.

"I never thought I'd see the day where you, Sydney Bristow, cited the rule book." He raised his eyebrows at her. Two could play at this game. "Tell you what.. If you can name one rule in that book that you haven't broken, I won't kiss you." He knew he had here there.

"Touche" She replied as she leaned up and once again enjoyed the feel of his lips on hers.

"You're amazing, Sydney."

They broke apart, no longer touching and Sydney shivered slightly. The pier was growing chilly with the lack of sunlight and the addition of a cool evening breeze. In one smooth motion, Vaughn had his jacket off and was placing it around her shoulders.

"Always the gentleman." she said smiling at the gesture.

"Especially for you." replied Vaughn. "Besides, it's all wrinkled."

She hit him playfully on his arm just hard enough to earn a small "Hey!" from her boyfriend. They began walking down the pier towards their cars; with Vaughn leading the way with a hand on the small of her back.

"Vaughn... stay with me tonight." she looked at him shyly. "It's the only way I seem to get a good night's sleep."

"Me too. Go home; See if Eric left us any dinner and I'll be over in a few, I have to pick up some things from my place. Then you'll have your human pillow."

"That's not what I- -" she amended.

"I know." he didn't let her finish.

They separated unwillingly with Vaughn opening her car door and seeing her off before going to his own vehicle in the lot.

Sydney arrived home minutes later and walked right in, heading right for the kitchen.

"There you are! I've been worried sick about you!" Nadia exclaimed, jumping up from her position on the couch. "You said you'd be home for dinner and you weren't answering your cell phone."

"Sorry... I turned it off. I went to the pier.. I must have lost track of time. Hey Eric." She shrugged.

Nadia was staring at her sister, dumbfounded as she watched her move throughout the kitchen heating up remnants of dinner. Eric was doing the same, only he was sitting on the couch stuck in mid-bite into an apple from the girls' counter. He looked like he hadn't blinked since Sydney walked through the door.

"HA!" He shouted in triumph, forgetting the apple. "You and Mike made up!"

"What? How did you--?"

"Don't ask such questions, Grasshopper. The amazing Weiss always knows. I see all; I know all; I hear all." He said, dead serious. Seeing the sisters' blank and skeptical expressions he amended his statement. "Fine. You didn't go strait for the coffee; You're not staring at the floor; and you acknowledged my presence. Happy?"

"Yes." Sydney smiled.

"So, What happened?" Nadia questioned.

Sydney opened her mouth to speak but a voice from the doorway answered for her.

"We had a long overdue conversation."

Weiss had once again gotten stuck mid-bite and Nadia turned quickly and just stared at Vaughn who had just walked in.

"What he said." Sydney replied, grinning from ear to ear at her friends' expressions. She was enjoying their faces way too much. It wasn't very often you got to see them dumbstruck.

"Wow... didn't see that one coming." Eric said, earning a smack from Nadia.

"You two are going to send me to an early grave. Do you know that!? You fight, you make up, you fight again... Lather, Rinse, Repeat." Her Argentinian accent was getting thicker as her rant was getting more intense. "I will never understand you two and your relationship... You don't speak, eat, or sleep for 7 days and suddenly everything is normal again.... Just.. Wow. That takes talent." She finished and flopped down on the couch next to Weiss and his abandoned apple. He was trying to stifle a smile. She had not yet begun to get frustrated by them. She's learn to get over it as he did, in time.

Sydney and Vaughn were sharing a smile. No one needed to understand their less-than-perfect relationship but them. There were happy and that's all that mattered.

They ate their dinner in a comfortable silence, eventually joining Nadia and Weiss on the couch for a movie. When they could no longer keep their eyes open, they said their goodnights and headed off to their bedroom.

"I wish we could stay like this forever." Sydney sighed, snuggling closed to Vaughn's chest.

"Mmmm.. Me too. I don't want to fall asleep yet. His voice was tired and raspy.

"Michael?"

"What no 'Vaughn'?"

"I call you Vaughn all the time. I have to switch it up a little bit... Keep you on your toes." She smiled in the dark, but he could hear it in her voice.

"Yeah.. Sure... Two times in one day.. That's clearly a record." They both fell into silence again.

"Michael?"

"Yes?"

"I love you."

"I love you too, Sydney.. More than I can possibly say."

With those words, Sydney and Vaughn both sunk into each other's embrace and let their fears and worries go for the first time in a long time. As they let their eyes slip close they knew they were guaranteed a good dreamless sleep from now on..

FIN


End file.
